Say what you need to say
by Green-Dragon-of-the-East
Summary: Tony says what he needs to say to Kate. A response to my own Valen-tate challenge as part of the  Tate-A-Thon community


Disclaimer: I don't NCIS or the song 'Say', they belong to their respective creators I have quoted both the song and dialogue from the various episodes in seasons 1 and 2.

Pairing: Tate with mentions of Jibbs and Shibbs

Summary: Tony brings Kate flowers for Valentines day.

**xXx NCIS X TATE X NCIS X TATE X NCIS xXx**

Tony pulled up at his destination; the song that had just been playing on the radio as he drove over is repeating itself in his head. He idly notes how well the song fits the situation as he climbs out of his car.

_Take all of your wasted honor  
><em>**Flashback:**

He stepped aboard the plane and say her standing there arms crossed, her secret service badge clearly displayed on her hip as she stood her ground amongst all of the men from the various other federal agencies. Gibbs latter commented that she had balls. Tony agreed but decided that she also had something else he couldn't put his finger on.

**Flashback end:**

_Every little past frustration_

**Flashback:**

"I call shotgun!" she said immediately running to the passenger seat. Once again, she'd beaten him to it. He didn't mind, cause tomorrow he'd call shotgun and she'd have to sit in the back.

**Flashback end:**

_Take all of your so-called problems,_

**Flashback:**

"Last time I'm going to tell you, Tony. Don't answer my phone, use my computer, read my mail, look through my purse, scan my PDA or touch my cell phone. Ever!" Kate scolded him for once more invading her personal space. In his defense, he was just doing his job of investigating, and besides, he was just looking out for her, protecting her from herself and making sure she wasn't in any trouble.

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

_Better put 'em in quotations  
><em>**Flashback:**

"We made a good couple, Kate," says Tony following after Kate as they left Abby's lab to get changed back into their own clothes.  
>"For the Jerry Springer show," she joked over her shoulder.<p>

**Flashback end:**

Tony gripped the bouquet of her favorite flowers from her favorite florist tightly in his hand as he approached Kate's location.

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

Kate walked into the squad room, wearing a cap from the submarine she and Gibbs had just returned from.

"Hey welcome back," Tony greets her.

"Hey," Kate responds taking a seat behind her desk.

"Nice cap, they make you their mascot?" he asks jokingly.

"This is your way of telling me you missed me isn't it?" she asks in a similar joking manner. He says no but he means yes.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

Gibbs and Kate burst into his room guns drawn. They see where Tony is pointing his own gun and spot an iguana on his pillow. They turn to Tony and notice that he's naked. He quickly grabs a chair to cover himself in embarrassment as Gibbs leaves muttering about coffee. Kate looks appreciatively at Tony before giving him a wink as she leaves his room.

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback;**

Tony wanted to go comfort her as she sat there gazing into space as paramedics checked her for injuries sustained by the explosion. Tony knew that physically she was fine, but emotionally she was a wreck. She'd bonded with Suzanne and now that bond was destroying her. Tony wanted to help her, to hug her to let her cry on his shoulder but Gibbs was right. There was nothing either of them could do to help. Nothing they could say to cheer her up. But regardless, when Kate was ready, Tony promised that he'd be there to listen.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say  
><em>**Flashback:**

Tony was nervous, scared and angry all at once. Kate, Ducky and Gerald were being held hostage in autopsy by a terrorist. Tony was nervous and scared for Kate's well being. He wondered if he was more scared for her because she was a woman or was it because of something else. Tony pushed what ever it was that he felt for Kate to the back of his mind so that he could concentrate on what was happening right now. Any second now Gibbs would be entering autopsy. Any second now that terrorist may try to escape and then they'd have him.

Tony just hoped that Kate was alright.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say _

**Flashback:**

"Stockholm Syndrome?" suggests Tony suddenly sitting on the end of Kate's desk.  
>"You can't identify with your captor in an hour," argues Kate not looking up from her computer monitor.<br>"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's like falling in love. That can happen. . . like that" he says snapping his fingers to illustrate his point.

Tony and Kate look at each other, unidentified feelings surging through both neither willing to look away.

**Flashback end:**

Tony smiled wryly as he walked. Love can happen in an instant, or can take its time, develop slowly and creeping up on you when you least expect it. Tony realized that it had started to develop back then, in that moment, when they had been discussing love he'd started to fall in love with her.

_Say what you need to say _

**Flashback:**

Kate glared at him as she discovered that he'd gone through her PDA to find the number of her favorite florist. He'd only done it to make sure she liked what he got for her but guessed he could have just asked her. But that would have spoiled the surprise of getting her the flowers in the first place.

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

"It's three o'clock in the morning, you hear a strange noise in your house. What do you do?" tony asks as he and Kate walk side by side.  
>"I slide a pistol from under my pillow and I go after the guy," she answers truthfully.<br>"I'm talking about real people, Kate. Why do they always feel the need to go and look?" he argues back.  
>"It's called human nature, Tony," she replies.<br>"Ah, let me guess. You're that person in a horror movie that decides since all your friends are dead, you really need to go check out the demonic breathing noise down in the basement," he jokes.  
>"Well, that beats being the girl who twists her ankle and gets everybody else killed," she replies in the same joking manner.<br>"You sleep with a gun under your pillow every night?" asks Tony trying to visualize Kate in nightwear and a gun.  
>"That depends," she answers teasingly.<br>"On what?" asks Tony curiously.  
>"On who I'm sleeping with," says Kate cheekily as she walked around the corner and immediately collided with Gibbs.<p>

"Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Tony just asked me what I would do if a man came into my bedroom and I said it depends. I mean, it doesn't depend on the man. Tony, could you help me out here, please?" a very embarrassed Kate tried to explain to Gibbs before giving up and pleading for Tony's help.  
>"She sleeps with a gun, boss," Tony explains coming to Kate's rescue.<br>"Is that true?" asks a curious Gibbs.  
>"Sort of. Sometimes. Yes," she admits nervously.<br>"Good girl! What do we know about last night?" Gibbs praises her before asking for an update on the case.

Tony can't help but wonder, '_would Kate keep the gun under her pillow if she was sleeping with me?'_ For some reason Tony found it incredibly sexy that, Kate was armed and dangerous even in bed.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say _

**Flashback:**

He held out his hands to catch her as she repelled down the line, Gibbs watching from above as they showed her what it was like to use the climbing, abseiling and repelling equipment. He promised her that he would catch her, that he would always catch her when ever she may fall and that he would always help her to get right back up again.

**Flashback end:**

Tony could see where Kate was. He glanced at the flowers wondering if she'd like them.

_Walking like a one man army_

_Fighting with the shadows in your head_

**Flashback:**

Tony hated himself, he'd failed Kate as her partner, he'd left her alone to go chase after a pretty blonde in jogging clothes and that bastard terrorist had kidnapped her. Kate was his partner, he was meant to have her six. Tony vowed to keep a closer eye on Kate, not only to protect her but also because despite the brave face she may put on but because this terrorist terrified her. She might not say anything to him but Tony knew that the terrorist had made her feel helpless in autopsy, that he'd hurt her or possibly even touched her. That terrorist was going to pay if Kate was harmed or touched in any way. And God help anyone who stood in his way.

**Flashback end:**

_Living out the same old moment_

**Flashback:**

Tony woke first feeling a lightweight on his torso, he opened his eyes to find that Kate had draped herself over him in her sleep, her head resting on his chest just above his heart. He began panicking, should he move her or leave her as she was. He wondered if she'd be mad when she woke up to find them hugging each other or would she be mad if she woke up and they were no longer hugging. Right now Tony blamed McGee, He and Kate figured that probie book them a room with only one bed as revenge because Tony decided to take Kate with him instead of McGee to Paraguay. Either way Kate was going to wake up soon and he needed to make a decision whether or not to keep cuddling her. He decided to keep cuddling her while she slept in his arms, it would be worth it.

**Flashback end:**

_Knowing you'd be better off instead,  
>If you could only . . .<em>

**Flashback:**

"Would you say that I'm attractive?" she asked suddenly.

"Sure," he answered, not wanting to say more incase he gave away his feelings for her that went far beyond partners or friends.

"Then how come you've never?" she asks trailing off at the end wondering why he never tried to sleep with her or even flirt with her like he did to every other woman.

"I know you," he answered mentally adding '_and I know I'm not good enough for you. Your better off with some one else'_

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

He cursed him self for not telling her sooner, but he was going to correct his mistake. He was going to tell her.

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

"Sexy as I want to be. Got these fellas chasing me. Let's go with this freak show. Outrageous. When I move my body. Outrageous. When I'm at a party. Outrageous," Kate sang until she heard Tony singing along just outside the shower. She pulled the shower curtain around her body as she saw Tony brushing his teeth in front of the sink.  
>"Tony! Out of here! Now!" she scolded him.<br>"What? I'm just brushing my teeth. Oh hey, don't use up all the hot water. 'Cause you've been in there forever," he replies conversationally turning to face Kate as he does.  
>"Tony, now long have you been in here?" a very embarrassed and outraged Kate asks.<br>"Long enough to know you can't sing and you haven't shaved your legs in a week," Tony answers. Kate glares and throws her shower sponge at him hitting him directly in the face. Tony laughs.

"Outrageous," comments Tony adding a sexy growl as Kate's hand reaches out from behind the shower curtain to find a towel. Tony smirks because he'd moved all of the towels out of reach. She'd have to get out of the shower to get one.

Tony goes back to brushing his teeth, happy that he'd finally seen Kate's tattoo and amazed by how beautiful she was. Not that he didn't already know she was beautiful. Besides it was only fair, she'd seen him naked in Gitmo so he was just evening the scales.

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

Tony found Kate crying in the stairwell.

"What happened?" asks Tony sitting down next to her.

"Ensign Hayes was innocent. I killed an innocent man," she cried burrowing her head on Tony's shoulder as he wraps her arms around her in a comforting manner. They spend over twenty minutes there together as Tony comforts her. Neither of them spoke about it after except a quick thank you from Kate and Tony offering his shoulder again if she should ever need it.

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

_Say what you need to say _

**Flashback:**

Tony sat behind his desk; moments ago, Kate had left with Thomas to go to New York for dessert. Tony was shocked with just how jealous he was. Not of Thomas' wealth, but jealous that Kate was so interested in the guy. He knew that he should at least be happy for her; she deserved to be with a nice guy. Tony knew that he was a bit of a bad boy, the guy that girls had a bit of fun with before they settled down with a nice guy. But for once he wanted to be the nice guy. He wanted to be Kate's nice guy.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

He could see that Kate was troubled, wondering why he hadn't tried to sleep with her despite the fact that he had successfully argued that a man and a woman couldn't be friends without a sexual element. The truth was that he did want to sleep with Kate but he knew that it could never be just sex. Kate would want a relationship, possibly marriage, something Tony was afraid to commit to after his ex-fiancé Wendy had ended their relationship. To put it simply Tony was afraid that Kate would leave him just like Wendy had, he couldn't go through being left at the alter again. Not by Kate, Wendy broke his heart but losing Kate would shatter it.

'_No'_ he decided _'Kate deserves to be with someone with less baggage. Some one better than me.'_

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

Tony and Kate looked out over Paraguay from the roof of their hotel as they watched the sunset both delaying the inevitable of returning to their hotel room which only had one bed. Something they both agreed that McGee had arranged on purpose. Tomorrow they would have to return to DC, their jobs and the cold, but for now they were comfortable sitting next to each other, Kate leaning on Tony as his arm was draped around her shoulders as they enjoyed their impromptu holiday together. They ended up staying out side together until the stars came out before dragging themselves to the bed they'd agreed to share as long as Tony kept to his side of the bed.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say_

**Flashback:**

Tony looked closer at the photo confirming that it was definitely Kate participating and winning the wet t-shirt competition back in 1994. Tony couldn't help but laugh as he remembered how Kate had said that she was a lot of fun in college. He quickly looked around to make sure no one was looking and quickly removed the photo from the frame so that no one besides him would ever see Kate in a wet white t-shirt again… and for possible black mail of course. Kate would thank him for doing this later or curse him should he ever need to black mail her.

**Flashback end:**

_Say what you need to say _

**Flashback:**

She stood there watching him tears streaming down her cheeks as Doctor Pitt and Nurse Emma did everything they could to keep him alive. Tony saw that she was wearing a mask, '_why would she be wearing a mask if she wasn't infected?'_ he wondered until he realized. She hadn't been infected. But she stayed anyway. Did she feel the same way?

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

_Say what you need to say _

**Flashback:**

Ducky was checking Tony for an injuries after the explosion. Kate watches on worried.

"Yes, clearly you haven't quite recovered from your bout with Y. pestis. You need a rest," instructs Ducky.  
>"No, I need to get back to work, Ducky," argues Tony stubbornly.<br>"Damn it, Tony. I should just take you home and get you in bed," she says. She stops and realizes what she'd just said, Tony and Ducky turn to regard her. Tony's heart soars for a moment with hope.

"Okay, that didn't come out the way I intended," she says just as Gibbs walks in.

**Flashback end:**_  
><em>

Tony had stopped, Kate was right in front of him now. He took a deep breath as he collected his thoughts and mustered up all of his courage.

_Have no fear for giving in  
>Have no fear for giving over<em>

**Flashback:**

"You care a lot about him, don't you, Kate?" McGee asks suddenly, Kate looks up surprised.  
>"Well, he's my teammate. What do you think?" she replies.<br>"I don't know. Sometimes I think it might be more than that," McGee says implying that there was something more than partnership between Tony and Kate.  
>"Tony? Are you kidding?" asks a nervous Kate trying to avoid the direction that the conversation was heading towards.<br>"Oh, come on. You never thought about it?" asks McGee, he points at the ground behind Tony's desk. Kate realizes that Tony must be lying on the ground behind it. She decides to play along with McGee.  
>"Well, I guess there are times when Tony can be… charming, warm, not completely obnoxious," she admits truthfully.<br>"Right, so if he wasn't your teammate?" asks a now very curious McGee. Kate grabs a bottle of water as she walks over and leans against Tony's desk.  
>"Oh, that's a tough one. Well, on the plus side, he is smart, brave. Not to mention kind of hot. You know, in a different world I could see myself marrying someone like him," she admits. Kate then pours the water from her bottle on Tony managing to get him in the ear. Tony lets out a cry of surprise and sits up.<br>"Very funny," he growls in disappointment and irritation as Gibbs comes around the corner.  
>"Hey, I thought I told you to lie down!" questions Gibbs.<br>"I was. I am," says Tony lying back down behind his desk.  
>"Not here," Gibbs instructs Tony.<br>Tony heads off towards Abby's lab to lie down as he passes Kate she waves at him and smiles cheekily. For a moment he'd truly had imagined a life with Kate, marriage, kids, a dog and a house. Maybe just maybe, Kate loved him back and they could have all of that.

**Flashback end:**

_You'd better know that in the end  
>Its better to say too much<br>Then never say what you need to say again  
><em>**Flashback:**

In the split second, he heard the gunshot, he felt hot blood splatter on his face and saw Kate drop to the ground in a heap. He realizes with dread that it's her blood on his face. And that she won't be getting back up. Worst of all, he hadn't caught her as she dropped. He'd broken his promise that he'd always catch her.

**Flashback end:**

In an instant. She was gone. He hadn't said what he needed to say.

_Even if your hands are shaking  
>And your faith is broken<br>Even as your eyes are closing  
>Do it with a heart wide open<br>_

_Say what you need to say_

His hands were shaking, his heart felt like it was breaking and tears welled up behind his eyes as he stood in front of Kate's grave.

"I met your older sister 6 days ago. Rachel. She told me how you told her about me, not all bad she reassured me," he joked, a few stray tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He hastily wipes them away with his sleeve.

"She told me how you told her that you thought you were falling in love with me but that you were too stubborn to tell me and that you were afraid that I wouldn't love you back. I guess I was just as stubborn and as afraid as you were because Kate. I love you and I loved you back then," he finally admits aloud. HeeHH crouches down places the bouquet next to her grave.

"Happy Valentines day Kate," he says.

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

Tony stands and looks around spotting Gibbs a few rows away at Jenny Shepard's grave placing a bouquet of roses next to it. Tony notices that Gibbs had a second bouquet of roses.

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

Tony walked over to his boss.

"Boss," he greets.

"DiNozzo," replies Gibbs looking up.

"Who's the second bouquet for?" Tony asked.

"For Shannon. Come on DiNozzo I'll say hi to Kate then I'll introduce you to Shannon," says Gibbs.

_Say what you need to say_

_Say what you need to say_

Together the two broken men went and visited each other's lost loved one.

_Say what you need to_

_Say what you need to…Say_

**xXx NCIS X TATE X NCIS X TATE X NCIS xXx**

Happy Valentine's day.

This story was written for Tate-A-Thon's Valen-tate challenge that the staff of the Tate-A-Thon community participated in. Please show your support for Tate and subscribe to the Tate-A-Thon community.

Since the episode 'A Man walks into a Bar,' which aired 6 days before valentines day was so Kate-centric and in my opinion Tate-centric I felt that it was fitting to set this story immediately after it. Also, I know that Kate was buried in Indiana but for the purpose of this story Kate was buried in DC.


End file.
